Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
