the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
