i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
