Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
