Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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