Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
