this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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