He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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