And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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