its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I need moral support for this bender
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
