Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
