I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
