I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
