This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
