did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Randomize
