So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
