i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
