i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
