theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
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I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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