I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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