She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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