So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
