yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
