look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
