Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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