I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize