I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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