My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize