He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
