I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
