it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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