after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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