Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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