Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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