Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
