whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
