im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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