The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
