And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
