three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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