So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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