So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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