apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
