omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
