I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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