i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex