What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...