i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...