i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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