There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
