My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
