Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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