we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
