I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
