Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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