I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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