so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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