Please, let me fuck your mom
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do