I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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