Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
