my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
