I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
