youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
