remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
me + whiskey = a bad person
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
