I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
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His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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