you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
