piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
